exams...damn...valentine's...double damned

exams are killin me! so much to learn in sucha short time...dunno if i can pass tis sem..pray hard i can...esp now tt i'm fallin for her...it'd b so sad to hafta see her less...dammit...wanna tell her..but dunno how to...shld i ask her out on valentine's? and if i do..wld it b oh so lame to tell her on tt day?? argh..so many qns :S am i juz becoming a close fren...or is tt really hints? girls...girls...why make things so indirect? i muz tell her soon...wun drag it like i used to anymore!!

Gosh i'm at it again

why is it always so tt it's gotta be someone from my class...stupid idiot...duno if i'm juz finding excuses, or it's juz tt i really am juz nt into her yet. but i juz dun seem to wanna go for it...thrown into another whirl...shit....

dun bother reading further than tis (if anyone actually bothers to visit tis dead place) coz from tis pt on....it'll juz be the usual boring complaints...tis is juz a outlet for me to pour my heart out...bear wif it...else juz close this browser

why oh why am i feelin tis way again...tot sec 5 wld be the last time smth so stupid wld happen...guess some things juz dun ever change do they? damn...now if only i cld rmb who was tt idiot who told me tt i wld definately get a gf in poly by first yr? bloody liar...lol...oh it doesn't matter...seeing everyone ard me has made me a veri glad single guy...dun bother asking why...i juz am glad :P but there are juz some things i cant control eh?

she asked me out...she helped me shopped...followed me down to somewhere far where she dint wanna go...are these signs tt they wanna drop? or am i juz pickin up garbages? argh i hate myself...if only i cld juz make up my mind...i guess charmaine is right...my case is so quite like how hers was....heart wants but head rejects...sheesh...be a man!! make up ur mind LANCE !! i love her...i love her not....i like her...i like her not....sheesh....the more i type..the more pissed i get...wtf...signin out...gettin some sleep...sleep!!

Wow...tis blog is still alive??

hmmm...suprised tt shi lin actually knows bout my blog...tot barely a few noe...haha...oh no... the dots prob is back -__-" muz correct tt. now now...wad shall i blog bout today? now at charmaine's hse, accompany her to do her math. but more like i distracting her lei...hmmm...no good!! well..hope she does really well...and better than me...haha =P tt sounds wierd...but i really do. she has always been receiving pressure to do better than her seniors so hope she can finally do better than me and be proud of it ;) haha...well...tt's all for now, or else she really no nid to study le...lol

Back back...bored......

Alright...back to blog a little...am bored right now...so yea...lol...waiting for my i-tunes to get my library fixed...converting like 970 songs...damn. Anyway, my first semester results are out. it turned out pretty good...bette than i had expected. i got 3.482 for my GPA. but hell...i tink i was one of the lower ones in my class. wth?! nvm...i juz got a heck of a class i guess =S oh yea...why aam i meddling wif i-tunes?? i got an i-pod man! 30GB..feels kinda cool. gotta admit tt, hehe, but damn the batter doesn't last long. and you cant like replace the batts...so when u're out...u're out...till you get home to charge it up...haha...damn, still cant get rid of the bloody excess dots =S hrmmm....my bad, nobody reads anyway...so doesn't matter right? lol...feels pretty wierd, toking to myself. i guess tis has become a little private diary. i come to blog whenever i needa express it out. damn...why cldn't i have done my silly confession here? lol...tt way she mite not have known...and things wldn't be so wierd now...and i dunno what triggered it...but lately...i seem to have been tinking of her...dammit. why?? i dun have a hell of a clue. sometimes i juz wanna hate myself. but what for? i dun have many who loves me true. so why hate myself? tt'll be real pathetic. and i gotta give it to jay..i tot my blog was complex...woah...check his out...mine will be like kindergarden poetry...haha. and i still haven gotten any job...except for one-day ones...dun count those as jobs. dun earn me much. or rather, dun earn me enuf to last me for veri long. ha. charmaine's having her prelims now, will be having her O's soon...makes me tink of the days when i struggled thru those...mark's going thru his N levels alreadty...tt was one heck of a rush too...joyce wif her end yr...least stressful of all....ha. and dun really get how come i tok her as my mei, since i knew tt charmaine dun really have tt great of an impression of her...she isn't as bad as i tot she was...she is quite a nice gal to know..juz sa jiao alot. lol..wif her trademark "weeiii". haha,haven contacted them these few days...maybe drop em a msg tml..lol..i can only wish them all best of luck i guess. well...my i-tune prolly wun get to finish it off tonite...wonder if i close it...wld it continue again tml...or wld ir restart?? haha...i'll be damned if it re-starts...tml will be a busy day. first to collect pay wif ming, then to training, then off to buy stuff for the chalet...darn...so many things to do =S but i tink i wld be free by evening...haha...then on...sian...nth to do. hate days like these. oh well...tink i mite as well log off first then...bb

Falling.......

falling...i'm fallin...so many ppl fallin...dunno wad to do...at tis rate...things will turn out bad...in a way..it is bad...why am i so easily affected? argh...anniversary on it's way...juz few days more...kinda worried actually...bette buck up...hope the show will go veri well tis yr...as it had in the previous yrs...had to tell my sad story to some girl...lol...tt brought me back to the old days..the good...the bad...ahh....those were the days...and i'm sure there'll be many more like these coming along...i'm quite a failure when it comes to relationship...yet...there's still ppl out there who seek advice on such things from me...why?? oh well...i guess it will come when the time is right...or else....bah...it wun be tt bad being alone...lol...hols can get so boring cant they? and i gotta start doing smth bout the way i type my blog...too many dots...lol...but no complaints so far right? haha...prolly no readers ba =P

i'm suddenly reminiscing the old times

all it took was juz a msg...there's so much that rushes thru my brain....why am a i born to be so complex?? guess humans are all complex right? no siht....btw..i got back my laptop..thank goodness...thank you luke..whoever u are...lol...anyway..while chatting wif wenru...and telling her my 'lifestory' the story of us juz replayed in my mind...i dunno why...but it juz did...they times we had...the time that were fun...and the times tt weren't...your lovely smiles...and my lonely times....the smiles we had....the tears i had shed...oh the joy...and oh the pain...i actually miss it all...but yet...there's still........what can i do? i was juz about to let myself accept her...then u popped back into my life...and i suddenly realised tt a part of me hid u deep....so deep i dint realised it myself...so deep it had decieved myself...or is tis juz some temporary joy? you said you'd missed me....you gotta be joking right? dun play me liddat...i'm not as tough as i seem...there's not much marital arts can do in strenghtening my heart....it's easy to get cut and bleed...but it's even easier to get hurt and shed tears....eve nif the tears cant be seen...physical wounds heal over time...but wounds created by hearts...dun always heal...time isn't always the factor to healing for every wound....i wanna heal...but i juz cant summon the ability to...why am i so weak i ask myself...and i realise...it's not really tt i'm weak..it's juz tt u are my weakness...and my strength...but so far...strength is smth u haven't provided me with...all along u had been weakining me...so who has given me strength so far...it's someone who truly cared...but it's not the someone tt i had wished to show their care for me...so wad's the point? dun play around wif me please...i'm really tired...i really wanna stop...but somethings cant juz be stopped as u wish...like i told u before...if u get to choose...it's not love anymore is it? why twirl me...swirl me...u left me in a whirl...i cant help but feel saddened whenever i tink of u...but yet...there's tis hint of joy tt comes along...is tis how it's supposed to feel? if it is...it is certainly not wad i had expected...call me silly if u wish...but to me...love shld be like a box of well mixed chocolates...there wld be sweet ones...bitter ones....but never sour ones....sour chocs taste bad! someone drag me outta tis vortex....it's gonna kill me soon.................

I'M SUCH A BAKA!!

Great, i juz lost my laptop 4 mths into buying it -__-" anyway, schl's going pretty fine, my classmates are fine, and once again, my class is trying to matchmake me to a girl from my class....wassup wif that? sure she's an adorable girl, but i'm not in love wif her, at least not when still have yet to get over.....oh nvm...dun wanna end up making myself ponder over her again...haven seen her in a long time, tho she juz recently msged me, whoever told me that time can wash feelings away was a pretty lousy liar -__-"ok. it's true that the feel has faded abit. but juz when i tot i mite be over wif it. a single msg triggered everythin back to me...feel like sucha fool...am i not? well all i want now is to get back my laptop. really wanna get it back veri badly, i'm already missing it like shit...sobs ='( exams are ard the corner. got one compro prac tis fri. gotta rush my compro proj coz needa hand it in by fri too -__-'' and other exams are on the 18th and 21st =S hope a can cope ; ( alright, so bored now. gotta wait for my uncle to arrive and fetch my two cousins home...poor girl are now sleeping like princesses...while i'm here having to wait!! I'M TIRED TOO!!!! oh well.....juz gotta wait....and wait....and wait....and wait..................

Sports Camp 06/07

woah...sports camp was pretty fun!! ESTEL ROX!!! ESTEL OIE!!well...went for sports camp...got to noe quite a no. of ppl...great peeps they are....got cramps....and sunburn too!! OW OW OW....my skin is currently peeling like siao....lol...and i'm oso pretty tan now...haha =P in case anyone shld wonder wad Estel is, it is actually the namke of the group i was in during sports camp...Estellians are veri the 'on' de...we juz got to noe each other...and already we having gatherings and even chalet soon...lol....hmmm...the only bad thing is tt i dint even get to see any of the martial arts performance...but i was pretty interested in floorball leh..but all the clubs always include intense training....well...guess i'll slowly look lo...heh....tata =)

POSTING RESULTS OUT!! ENDING WORK SOON!!

lol...sorrie...forgot to update all of ya..got posted to NGEE ANN!!! YESS!!...but not to a course i'm veri interested in...other than my first choice...the rest i wasn't really interested in...got into mechatronics engineering...well...at least it's ngee ann....hope i'll grow to like it...my second choice aft all =S my work...getting so boring...books..books...books....sheesh...well...packing juz aint my kind of job i guess...still prefer waitering...hmmm...gonna end work soon...nxt fri...last day...tink i can expect lotsa OT coming...more money....but till now...work nearly 2 mths le...bloody pay not here yet-_-'' gonna wanna kill the stupid comapany soon...no money!!! haiz..and it's been so long since i met her...ok...maybe not veri long...couple of wks? but still...seems so long...haiz...and the last time i saw her it wasn't veri happy...was late...so ended up getting her pissed...she was ok aft tt...but still....dun feel comfortable..seems like smth was wrong...haiz...how? can things really nv go back to the way it was? will i nv stand a chance? wad is it tt he was able to give tt i'm unable? money? i doubt so...dun tink she go aft money in a relationship...security? i can provide tt...love? i am feeling tt...why aint she? i'm so confused...well...i'm not really sad...juz...missing her...pretty badly....how will she ever noe? nv i guess...perhaps the dday i die...someone shows her this blog...maybe then she mite realise...or maybe even till then she still wun feel a thing...i guess....if u dun feel....u nv will...i guess i'm juz stupid to always fall for the wrong one...but how can i help it? time and again...the heavens above twiddle me ard their fingers...time and again...i am the fool...who tinks tt the other party feels the same...even till now...i still tink tt way...why...why muz sweet things like love hurt? sweet memories tt i have of the past...brings abt a heart-wrenchin moment...i try to stay happy...but i cant help but feel kinda sad...when i hear ur name...or hear u not turning up for the gatherins we planned..or hear the gatherings being cancelled...i juz miss u...i really do...now...i actually now how much missing someone u love can hurt...well...why am i always complaining so much...i guess coz it's only thru here can i juz keep complaining...there's no one for me to tok to bout such stuff...or rather i do not wanna burden those ard me wif such stuff...i do noe tt those ard me feel troubled enuf...everyone has their own probs...well...i guess...i'll live...haha...shall end here today...tata peeps

O's out...got a new job....pretty much to update =P

Alrite...this blog almost passed out....but i reached out in time...dint i? nvm...well....i got a new job now...packing and sorting of books...argh...dun really noe why i took it...lol...nvm...at 5 an hr...9 hrs a day....5 days a wk...why not rite? lol....it's ending soon anyway...seems fast...but things tt has already gone past seems to have zoomed past...it's so boring...nv gonna do packing again...not unless i dun have any choices left...lol....wonder how much i'll get....hmm...b'day coming soon...will surely spend abit on myself....wanna get a bike...but ex leh...nvm...will make a request to my family tt i get a bike this yr...or at least they pool money to let me get one =) abit thick skin...but heck...i kinda deserve abit...dint do too badly for O's....not great...not wad i wanted...and certainly below my expectations....but nonetheless...not bad...lolz...i got 20pts for R4...no R5...i skipped my POA...which wld most likely wld have gotten a F9...lol...anyway...i got a B3 for eng...kinda disappointing...tot i wld get a A2....chinese remained at B3 too...maths oso got a B3...abit disappointed wif this too...but i dint do veri well for the ppr...and left a few blanks...so considered not too bad...and science...i got a B4...which is good...not my best...but obviously improved by alot...compared to class test...lol...BIG BIG improvment.....oh yea....THX YAN CHEN.....thx so much for the early morning coachin....lol...big help...seriously...wait...dun tink she reads tis...lol...nvm....it the tot tt counts...hahaha....the and finally combined humanities...i got a bloody D7...crap...it puled me down so much....ARGH....nvm...it all water under the bridge...like wad my aunt said...lol...oh rite...iwent to watch a rock concert....at United World Colledge of South-East-Asia(UWCSEA) wanda's schl...lol....it was great...the bands tt performed aft the interval....oh they really rocked alrite....great concert...great way to spend a friday nite...haha...and i oso watched 'I Not Stupid Too'...haha....great show....comical at first....lotsa funny jokes..and the later part get's very touchin....lotsa emo....even i cried like ard 3 times...hahahaha.....it's sad la...tink will appeal to sec schl students...yea...great show....spent valentine's workin the whole damn day...lol....first at the book packing thing...den rushed down to Outback...lol...shack like hell...haha....wanted to ask her out for dinner...then realised i myself not veri free...den she oso mite not really wanna come out...hmmm....told her bout it the nxt day...and she said she mite have accepted the dinner date....BASKET!!! hmmm...haven really met her in some time...shld i get her out for a movie? hmmmm....gotta wait for a day tt i free...oh....hope ming is reading this....MING....wushu got 2 new gals come eh...haha....i coach them eh....jealous not?? lol....andre oso abit jealous..he keep coming over to kajiao....they dun look too bad....hahahahaha...jealous ma ming?? lol...come wu shu la....i wanna spar wif u leh...then u so long nv come...muz wait for u get back form...lol....lazy bastard =P took me almost the whole darn lesson to teach them basic kicks and punches...lol...hope they actually rmb it...i guess coachin is not tt bad aft all...at least for wushu...esp wif the kids...they're juz so darn cute...haha...finally got to noe most of their names....still got alot...or a few...lol....becoming a nanny there....nan-dad rather...lol...alrite....tink i shall end here den...tata peeps!! wish me best of luck for my posting...will tell u more bout it when i get it =)

i'm still wondering...pondering....

Great...tt little sentence you made....is giving so much hope to me...drivin so many tots into my head...and i really hope it aint false hope...but if it is...i'd rather you come clean...one thing tt wld hurt me more than giving me false hope is to lie to me...i dun wanna crumble becoz of you...but yet...i'm like so vulnerable...so weak against you...i'm like the steel....but ur like the concentrated acid...slowly....but surely eating up on me...destroying me bit by bit if ya wanna...why does things hafta be this way? bitter-sweet...hate it....cant i get a direct ans? cant you juz visit my blog? cant you juz noe wad i'm tinking...alrite....it's not ur fault...i juz din ask...but i...i dare not risk it again...the lsat time i confessed....u like...totally freaked...you said we cld be frens...yea...we are now...but aft how long of avoiding? Aft how much of torture? and we aren't as close as we used to be anymore....at least i dun feel it anymore...argh...i hate myself...why was i given a brain tt tink so excessively?!!? over dumb things...dumb me...cant we be happy as we used to? i really wonder...do you feel anythin? i'm willing to keep on going...working on it...but...at least gimme a response...at least acknowledge my efforts...let me noe u've gotten my point...i dun juz do the things i do for you to anybody else...you are special...thus my special attention...it's not done on purpose...but there's this additional motivation...to go the extra mile for you..i've explained it to you before...if u rmb...tt i'm always doing alot for ppl...coz i enjoy seeing others happy...i dun mind helping others...even if i will make a loss...it's not tt i'm dumb...it's not tt ppl are makin use of me..and i dun realise it...or rather...i dun care if they are or not...i'm juz here to help all i can...but tt's wad i do for frens....or ppl i noe...but for you...i go a mile....two miles...three four five...wadeva...i'll go a few rounds the globe juz to get smth done for you...at least smth within my capabilities...i'll max out my energy for you....i'm willing to o those for you...but do you realise it? i wonder...i really wonder...but well...heck...like the saying goes...wadeva makes you happy...i'm happy so long as u're happy...as mushy...as cliche as it mite be...but i feel tt's it mite juz be true...it's amazing how i've nv blown my top at you before...i wonder too....so many qns...yet...no replies...well...wadeva....i'll juz be on standby mode...i will juz be here....whether u notice or not...i may disappear..but it's not tt hard to make me re-appear...all you gotta do is ask........and tt's not tt hard...izt??

Christmaz...big deal

I expected so much more...so many memorable moments...but things juz always hafta go wrong for me...tot we cld hang out together...chat...laugh...as we wait for christmas to come upon us...where we cld wish each other a merry chirstmas face to face...seeing your happy face...so cheerful...so full of energy...tt tot alonecld make me smile...but yet...it's only bringing bitterness straight into my heart...we cld only manage a well wishing thru the phone...all becoz plans were changed..what was meant to be a happy night...turned into a gloomy one...for me...or maybe even for both of us...welll....at least i waasn't all alone...and hopefully neither were u...i'll admit it...i've really missed ya...i really hav...most sad is tt i aint even able to pass u your present...plans all gone to waste...sigh...sad...there's so many things i wanna ask u..and before i've even gotten an ans....more Qns head my way....why is this happening ?! am i juz tinking to much? reading too deeply into things tt dun even exist? one moment u tell me love can hurt...dun fall into love...and nxt moment...u're telling me tt i smtimes hafta fight for my desired fate...tt i gotta fight for wad i wan...wad's tt supposed to mean ?? dammit...i'm sucha coward...not having asked u back tt moment u said those things to me...but..there's juz so much at stake...i've already almost lost u once...i dun wanna really lose u...not even for juz a short moment...cant stand the pain...dun wanna re-live it...why does things have to be so painful ? maybe u are rite...lvoe can hurt alot...but i believe it doesn't always hafta...and it's not smth i can choose...i love you coz i do...not becoz of things u possess....not becoz of how you're like...but plainly becoz...you're YOU...and you're...so...beautiful...it's juz tt simple...i'll take a step back if u wan me to...but tt doesn't mean tt i've totally backed out......*chuckles*......i wonder if you've even been reading any of this at all...well...if you hav...or if u are...lemme tell u tis...i will fight fate...i will keep on fightin...dunno how long i can go on...but i've made up my mind...btwn losing hope soon...to end the pain...and to go on wif the pain...hanging on to the slightest hopes...i choose to hang on...not becoz i dun wanna let things go...but coz i simply cant...even if i cld...i dun tink iwld wanna...i dunno why...it's one of those things i cant explain...it's juz the way i feel...and why do i feel this way?? coz...tt's the way i am....coz i am me....and you're you...it's juz tt simple...yet so complex huh ? yea...life's like tt.......

HOLS HAVE COME UPON US

rite...so hols are here...got a job...tho not satisfied...but hope i will be when i start...i welcome visitors...it's a thai restaurant tis time....101 killiney road...haha=P Things are going fine...expcept that the feeling of jealousy is startin to set in....not all the time...but many a time....and it aint good...i mean...wad right have i got ? argh....and i tink...i tink i really do tink too much...buti cant help it...tt's the way i am...i tend to read too much into smth...trying to correct tt...i dun wanna be mistakened....i dun like it at all....to always wonder if wad i feel is rite....yet...cant voice it out...bloody coward huh? cant help it when u care for someone i guess....u cant juz erase the care u hav for someone...u cant juz say...dun care for tis person...coz tis person wun accept you...or erase off ur feelings....there's no pt....sure....there may not be a pt..u mite not get a response...u mite not get wad u wish to...but heck....u cant change it...it there...and it wun go....not till it really wanna go...u cant control it..and it's like a choke-chain...the harder u tug...the tighter it gets....the more u struggle..the more it hurts u....argh....wad a way to compare huh? I've really been wondering...all the times i tot i felt smth....cld it really be nth more than frenship? or was i juz some temp stuff? be there when i nid u...shoo when i dun? it really hurts to tink it tt way...but it seems pretty much so...boy...wadeva happened to the optimistic me....guess i dun practice wad i preach...i cld be optismistic....but well...not when things happen to me...wish there was someone i cld tok to...someone to be the one to lemme see the bright side....no one...no one i can really tell...orrather...i choose not to...how can i ? i cant run up to ppl juz to tell em bout it...i'm not who i used to be...i used to tell my frens bout things lidat...use it as smth to tok abt...but now...i keep in cinfidential i guess...but she's not doing tt...ppl i least expected actually noe bout it...wtf man...i was like darn shocked...i only expected her to tell 3 ppl max...her 2 close frens...and someone else....but well....i was wrong...darnit....anyway...if ya guys out there noe of any temp jobs...for a nite...for a day...for a wk...juz gimme a buzz alrite? or leave a comment...argh...i cant change the way i feel abt you...but i'm feelin terrible...u wan me to change the way i feel dun ya ? well...sorry..i cant...i juz wish u cld be the one who'd hav a change of heart...i'll juz wait...i dun care....i dun mind...i'll juz wait till...the day...i no longer feel a thing...dunno how long tt'll take me...i dunno to wish it'll end soon...or to wish it'll last foreva...i really dun.......

Oh boy...another 2 down

Eng was so easy...at least i tink it is...haha...hopes it turns out well...=D physics dint go as well as i wished i cld hav...well...nvm...N E X T ...heh heh...math ppr II....die mofo die !! lol...abit crazy now...juz wanna get over this exam....fast fast fast....hahahahahahahaha.....well...2 more pprs...math...and gaog...erm...wait...there's still mcq for darn science...oh well...realised i';m actually not the only one burderned wif probs...juz realised so many ard me facing bigger probs....well...i nope how it feels...the hurt...the feeling of lonliness....helplessness...been there...still lingering there....sad...but true...i dunno...i'll juz let things be the way it is....alrite...not veri early anymore...bette be getting to bed...stuill needa go out to study tml...oh yea... HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHEL...oh wait...she dunno bout tis...oopsie...haha....nvm...tat readers =D